big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
