i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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