Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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