do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
