Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i think my cat just said my name.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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