seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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