Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
