Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You made out with two different species that night
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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