I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
