We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
