Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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