So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just invented taco cereal.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Randomize
