y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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