As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
