Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
