I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
