If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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