I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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