I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
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Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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