Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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