She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
