He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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