Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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