check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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