I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
