i wish peter jackson would direct porn
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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