I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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