I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
