i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
