My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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