i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
