omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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