I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It's just like the Real World with babies
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
