I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
