you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
