Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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