think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
