Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
