According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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