just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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