totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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