I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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