butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
