The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
two words: eviction party
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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