If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
