I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
