I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
