Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
