so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
