when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
