i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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