why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She even gives head with a lisp.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
