I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
