we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
