is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
