actually, I'm a sock model
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
