so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
