screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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