I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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