i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
