im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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