Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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