dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
