you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
