I'm lost and stupid without you.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
