I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
