So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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