wat bout pragnant strippers??
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
