my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
