Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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