i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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