come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
