He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
