at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
