Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize