Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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