found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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