One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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