i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am one with the molecules
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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