the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
