Me too!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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