It's Friday. Sex?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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