I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
